I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
