You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
