No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
