Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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