I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
