I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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