my mouth tastes like poor choices
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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