Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
