Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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