Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
