His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
