As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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