I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
