glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
she smelled like a LAN party
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
