and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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