hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
