you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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