Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
last night I used snow as a chaser
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
