Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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