theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
