The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
