VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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