So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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