I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
