i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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