so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize