Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
