Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
