If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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