Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
