i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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