nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
