he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
