my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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