I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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