I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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