So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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