I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
