I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
