forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
