I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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