when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
