Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
