yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
