you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
