at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
