I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
