Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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