his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
