I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
