Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
