your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
