So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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