We're facebook friends in real life
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
