I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
