oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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