does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
