john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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