For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
