hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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