will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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