truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
