Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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