obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
