And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
is it fun? or sober?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
