Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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