I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize