Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Randomize
